I was taking a generic form of Pristiq for a little over two and a half years. I was happy with it, for the most part, with the exception of a few side effects. Even though I had good experiences with the drug, I wasn't sure what the future would be like for me. After some thought, I quickly realized that I didn't want to take this medication for the rest of my life. It was time for an exit strategy.
When I started SSRIs, it was for a very specific purpose - I was suffering from PMDD, which is Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, and THAT basically means wicked bad PMS. I never had bad cramps or heavy periods, but for two weeks every month I was stricken with terrible backaches and God awful mood swings. The pain in my back would start under my left shoulder blade and then become a diagonal line of misery culminating in my right lower back. It made life super fun. But even worse were my nearly manic mood swings. Laughing in the morning, crying jags at night, being bitchy and snappish to my husband. Life could be lively, to say the least.
So, I went to the doctor who put me on Prozac, for just the two weeks out of the months that were my hell weeks. But then, I noticed something, aside from emotional PMDD symptoms abating, my general mood was much better. I was happier, more steady. Less moody and less prone to the bouts of "the blues" I started to experience. Work and life in general started to be easier to handle when I was on the Prozac. I went back to the doctor to talk about this. Turns out, surprise! I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Which was really no surprise - this was back in 2016, which had turned out to be one of the worst years of my life. I was changed to Zoloft, and my god, life was amazing. Except for that pesky sexual side effect thing. Which really, really fucking sucked. I back in the doctor's office a few months later because I missed having some good sexy times. This is when I was put on the Pristiq.
And yeah, Pristiq was great. The sexual side effects were not as bad for me, but still somewhat present in a diminished sex drive. But I also encountered a weird one that made me ravenously hungry, which could have just been general depression, I don't know. My research tells me that SSRIs in general will make some individuals hungry, but for Pristiq, that isn't a reported side effect. In fact loss of appetite is a more typical response. Emotionally, I was more level...but less me. I grew disinterested in my creative hobbies, and became quite blase about my obsession with dressing in retro quirky clothes. But still, I was able to drive home from work without having to pull over on the side of Rt. 1 and cry my eyes out. Win.
However, as I said, it's been two years and it's time I feel I can go off the medication. Weight loss, a new job, and a healthier lifestyle put me into a much better perspective. The idea of trying to live life with out my chemical crutch stopped being terrifying, but more exciting. I went to my doctor and got the okay to discontinue the dosage. I also got fucking ambushed with blood work, and the idea of a needle going into my arm made me anxious. Despite the fact that not six days before I was down on South Street getting my nose pierced, and happily so. Whatever.
Even though I made some huge strides in the past year towards a healthier physical and mental well being, I was so scared to go off the meds. I just didn't feel brave enough before this. Even now, I am still worried about how I will feel down the road. But, I finally decided now is the time. I choose to be brave. I will be brave. I am not in this alone, and I am so thankful that I have a support system of the most amazing and wonderful people in my life. Only time will tell how I will be able to handle challenges that life throws at me.
As for right now, I am just trying to make it through the withdraw symptoms. I am feeling exceedingly, extremely, weeeeeird. I has a vague idea what the physical effects were going to be like, as I have missed a day every now and again in taking my meds, The physical side effects can only be described as an extremely odd pulsating feeling, coupled with some headachey jabs in what I am assuming is my frontal lobe. Some light sensitivity too. Emotionally I am giddy as hell, and just acting so fucking weird. I went to the grocery store and decided I needed to buy a can of french onion soup I had no need for. I have been super talkative, and super annoying to my poor husband who has to deal with my obnoxious, albeit funny behavior. Its like my quirky dial has been turned up to 11.
I am going to take everything one day at time. I am going to listen myself and my emotions and remember that just because I don't have my training wheels on doesn't mean I can't ride the bike called life. I am not going to be hard on myself, I am not going to allow myself to descend. I am going to ask for help. I am going to remind myself it is okay to take some time out for me. This will definitely be a challenge, and I am ready to fave it head on.
For the rest of the weekend I am indulging in some serious self care. Which is going to include a piece of chocolate cake with jimmies on it. <3
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| Cake is always the answer. And those are jimmies, not sprinkles |
-GG
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