Go Home ModCloth, You're Drunk

I love ModCloth. I have been shopping with them since 2012 when I bought my first purple shirt dress and I never looked back. For the most part.

At first I was not keen on ModCloth when I discovered the website through a "sponsored" search result for one thing or another. I loved the clothes, but the size range was not broad, and only stuck to mainly small through large. As I was closer to a 2x at the time, and ModCloth was not accommodating to the plus size gal, I lost interest. Maybe a year or so later I took a peek at the online retailer again and was very (and pleasantly) surprised to see they seriously upped their plus size game. I was also pleased to see the prices for the plus sized clothes were not any more expensive than the smaller sized clothes. Score!

This began my love affair with ModCloth. It was not without it's trials - but they do have fantastic customer service and a very nice return policy so any issues I had were pretty much taken care of. The biggest issue were (and still are) the prices. I garnered many a raised eyebrow when I shared with others where my clothes came from. It really wasn't that surprising, since the store carries some notoriously expensive brands like Bettie Page (now known as Tatyana), Hell Bunny, Collectif, and Emily and Fin among others. They also experimented with their own labels, with Myrtlewood and Bea and Dot, but eventually merging the two and re-branding to a simple namesake label "ModCloth". Even though they have an in house brand, the price tag is still high; a dress can typically run between $80.00 to $120.00. That is a bit eye watering for a dress with dinosaurs on it.

Along side the other labels and the house brands were some odd ball labels in some of those clothes. The aforementioned purple shirt dress? The label said "Island Wear". What? How? Not that I care about something as arbitrary as labels, but who the hell has ever heard of "Island Wear"? Not surprisingly, the dress like most other items from ModCloth are made in China. Most of the clothes are made in China, even the ones from the name sake label AND the "designer" labels. Another one in probably my favorite easy to wear blouse ever has "   " in it. Who? Exactly.

The answers didn't come until years later and I was about three to four sizes smaller and suddenly in need of a new quirky, cute, vintage influenced wardrobe. I decided I wanted a cute skirt or two to start the collection again. I didn't have the money to just replace my beloved garments all at once, and I also didn't want to willy-nilly dive into a spending spree, ending up with clothes I only kind of like. I took to Amazon, remembering a cute skirt with a Frida Kahlo theme print I saw a while ago and wanted to see if it was still there. I searched for "vintage skirt" and found what I was looking for. I also found other skirts that were just as cute - a springy sakura theme, a lemon print perfect for summer, a sweet floral for any time of the year. Then I saw the suggested items, dresses! The dresses took me down a huge rabbit hole of vintage inspired dresses and insanely quirky frocks. I did another search for a pussy bow blouse. Score. I started looking and looking and looking and suddenly my wishlist was filled with dresses, blouses and skirts.

What stopped me in my tracks was when I saw this dress:

Which is the same one as this dress on ModCloth:

Here is the kicker:
ModCloth: $59.00
Amazon: $10.00-$12.00 depending on size

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

I shouldn't have been so surprised, this is how companies work; buy cheap and mark up the price for a profit. But, almost by $50.00? For what is legit a very simple dress. In fact I HAD this dress:

It's made of a thin fabric and no pockets, with no discernibly higher quality than what you can get at Target. It is definitely not fancy dress and definitely not worth the 59 bucks. I paid it, because the print is really super cute and it is a very comfortable dress. I also thought it was a ModCloth exclusive. You never really know what is just for them, unless the item description spells it out. So, I shelled out the cash thinking the dress wasn't available anywhere else. I have not tried out the Amazon one, but I am willing to bet dollars to doughnuts, it is the same exact dress.

So, I did some more digging around and found these other items that are either very similar or exactly the same as a ModCloth item.

The Coach Tour dress
ModCloth:

Amazon:

Same exact dress, except on Amazon it's $24.99 to $26.99 depending on size.


The About The Artist dress
I don't think they carry this dress anymore, but it was super cute dress while they had it. The Amazon version isn't exact, it's missing the trim and has different colors but that is a-okay by me.
ModCloth:

Amazon:
This dress is suuuuper cute in green, FYI

The Charter School cardigan:
Not an exact match, but pretty close. Tons of colors, and made of the same materials - mostly viscose with a smattering of rayon.

ModCloth:

Amazon:

Soda Fountain Dress
Probably one of my favorite dresses, but not availible any longer, which is a shame. This is another one I felt was way over priced, as it ran for around $70.00. Whelp, it's on Amazon for 20.99
ModCloth:

Amazon:
Now, this one is made from a heavier fabric, which could be better for some people. I prefer the lighter cotton as it was just easy to wear and good for warmer weather.

Ahem, I am going to mention that first picture of the ModCloth version, isn't actually from ModCloth, since they don't carry the dress anymore. It is however from a website called Queen of Holloway which is OMGWTF amazing for well priced vintage style dresses. I cannot vouch for them as a company, but the prices are right and the selection is wide. PLUS they carry the original Soda Fountain dress, in most of the colors. They even call it the same thing too, haha!

Speaking of Queen of Holloway!
Bonus Round:
Tatyana's Sailor Dress:

Same dress from Queen of Holloway, but in red:

I think this one makes me the MOST irritated, because the Bettie Paige/Tatyana website will go on and on about their designs being unique. This dress retails for over $100.00, but it can be snapped up from Queen of Holloway for $55.98.


Here are some other ModCloth-esque things I found:
Midi Skirt with Pockets and tons of colors:

A blouse with lips all over it:

This very pretty fit-and-flare floral dress:

A darling button down with a sweet little bow:

One super cute London themed skirt with pockets:

I can't vouch for all these products, but I will make a blanket warning - most if not all of this stuff is from China. The sizing typically is, well, Chinese. I am a solid L/12 in most everything and everywhere. I bought this blouse, and this blouse and the aforementioned Frida Kahlo skirt. The first blouse I got in green in a XXL, and it fit perfect. The second one I got in cap sleeves in black, in a XXL. It was much too big, and I could have sized down but truthfully it looks fine, just roomy. I got the Frida skirt in a L. It's a snug fit, to say the least. It does flare out quite a bit at my hips, but I am okay with that.

What about the quality? I was impressed. No weird smells, no loose threads, and fabric and stitching on all the garments feel quite sturdy. I was super impressed that the skirt had TWO buttons at the zipper, so you can make your skirt a smidge bigger if you eat too many tacos. The shirts also came in a super nice heavy duty plastic bag, so that was cool. The stuff is from Amazon, so I wasn't too worried, plus with Prime free returns if it doesn't work out!

Now that I have found an alternative to ModCloth does that mean I won't be shopping there? Of course not. MC still has some very cute things that are pretty much proprietary to them and I love. I am just going to be more judicious on what I buy from there. For example, if ModCloth has a nice polka dot blouse, I might pause before buying and check if I can get something similar at Amazon or even Queen of Holloway. I am trying to keep the cost of the basics low, so I can splurge at ModCloth when I can and not feel guilty. For me, that is what is most important, especially while I am struggling to replace a ton of beloved clothing items. Of course, if I stick to this theory...only time will tell! Haha!


UPDATE:
I tried to make an order from the Queen of Halloway site and was met with a bit of roadblock. I couldn't seem to pay. They only accept PayPal and for some weird reason it looked like their PayPal link was dead or missing or something. Really super weird, which kind of put me off the website.

-GG

Saying goodbye to my meds

It is been officially over 24 hours since I have taken my last dose of depression medication.

I was taking a generic form of Pristiq for a little over two and a half years. I was happy with it, for the most part, with the exception of a few side effects. Even though I had good experiences with the drug, I wasn't sure what the future would be like for me. After some thought, I quickly realized that I didn't want to take this medication for the rest of my life. It was time for an exit strategy.

When I started SSRIs, it was for a very specific purpose - I was suffering from PMDD, which is Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, and THAT basically means wicked bad PMS. I never had bad cramps or heavy periods, but for two weeks every month I was stricken with terrible backaches and God awful mood swings. The pain in my back would start under my left shoulder blade and then become a diagonal line of misery culminating in my right lower back. It made life super fun. But even worse were my nearly manic mood swings. Laughing in the morning, crying jags at night, being bitchy and snappish to my husband. Life could be lively, to say the least.

So, I went to the doctor who put me on Prozac, for just the two weeks out of the months that were my hell weeks. But then, I noticed something, aside from emotional PMDD symptoms abating, my general mood was much better. I was happier, more steady. Less moody and less prone to the bouts of "the blues" I started to experience. Work and life in general started to be easier to handle when I was on the Prozac. I went back to the doctor to talk about this. Turns out, surprise! I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Which was really no surprise - this was back in 2016, which had turned out to be one of the worst years of my life. I was changed to Zoloft, and my god, life was amazing. Except for that pesky sexual side effect thing. Which really, really fucking sucked. I back in the doctor's office a few months later because I missed having some good sexy times. This is when I was put on the Pristiq.

And yeah, Pristiq was great. The sexual side effects were not as bad for me, but still somewhat present in a diminished sex drive. But I also encountered a weird one that made me ravenously hungry, which could have just been general depression, I don't know. My research tells me that SSRIs in general will make some individuals hungry, but for Pristiq, that isn't a reported side effect. In fact loss of appetite is a more typical response. Emotionally, I was more level...but less me. I grew disinterested in my creative hobbies, and became quite blase about my obsession with dressing in retro quirky clothes. But still, I was able to drive home from work without having to pull over on the side of Rt. 1 and cry my eyes out. Win.

However, as I said, it's been two years and it's time I feel I can go off the medication. Weight loss, a new job, and a healthier lifestyle put me into a much better perspective. The idea of trying to live life with out my chemical crutch stopped being terrifying, but more exciting. I went to my doctor and got the okay to discontinue the dosage. I also got fucking ambushed with blood work, and the idea of a needle going into my arm made me anxious. Despite the fact that not six days before I was down on South Street getting my nose pierced, and happily so. Whatever.

Even though I made some huge strides in the past year towards a healthier physical and mental well being, I was so scared to go off the meds. I just didn't feel brave enough before this. Even now, I am still worried about how I will feel down the road. But, I finally decided now is the time. I choose to be brave. I will be brave. I am not in this alone, and I am so thankful that I have a support system of the most amazing and wonderful people in my life. Only time will tell how I will be able to handle challenges that life throws at me.

As for right now, I am just trying to make it through the withdraw symptoms. I am feeling exceedingly, extremely, weeeeeird. I has a vague idea what the physical effects were going to be like, as I have missed a day every now and again in taking my meds, The physical side effects can only be described as an extremely odd pulsating feeling, coupled with some headachey jabs in what I am assuming is my frontal lobe. Some light sensitivity too. Emotionally I am giddy as hell, and just acting so fucking weird. I went to the grocery store and decided I needed to buy a can of french onion soup I had no need for. I have been super talkative, and super annoying to my poor husband who has to deal with my obnoxious, albeit funny behavior. Its like my quirky dial has been turned up to 11.

I am going to take everything one day at time. I am going to listen myself and my emotions and remember that just because I don't have my training wheels on doesn't mean I can't ride the bike called life. I am not going to be hard on myself, I am not going to allow myself to descend. I am going to ask for help. I am going to remind myself it is okay to take some time out for me. This will definitely be a challenge, and I am ready to fave it head on.

For the rest of the weekend I am indulging in some serious self care. Which is going to include a piece of chocolate cake with jimmies on it. <3

Cake is always the answer. And those are jimmies, not sprinkles

-GG

10 X 10 Wardrobe Challenge and What I Learned

So, what exactly is a 10 x 10 Wardrobe Challenge?

Very simply put, it is an exercise in reinventing your style, utilizing what you already have in closet. By whittling your clothing options down to 10 pieces to be combined into 10 outfits over the course of 10 days, it forces the participant to look at their clothes in a new light. The challenge is the brain child of Lee Vosburgh from Style Bee and swept through the blogosphere like wildfire. Three years later and it's still a very popular method for refining your style, putting some perk back into your wardrobe or just to alleviate style fatigue.

I had been struggling as of late on how to define my style, going back and forth between different looks and styles and not really knowing where I wanted to land. I was buying up a good deal of clothing only to be discarded or stored away in a few months. In this confusion, I decided that I needed more structure and direction when it came to my clothing. I decided to set a few goals for my wardrobe:

• Pare down the volume of clothing
• Create one basic capsule, and smaller seasonal capsules
• Shop smarter, less impulse
• Define my style

In making some goals, I decided to try out the 10 X 10 wardrobe challenge, giving a minimalist approach a shot. This seemed like a really good way to test out if I could function with a small pool of clothing and be happy. Plus, it would continue on my shopping hiatus that I have been on. It would also help me figure out different ideas and looks with my already existing clothes.


I pulled my 10 pieces from my closet and arranged them into 10 outfits, taking care to remember if I had any special events or commitments that would require certain clothing items. I choose a black tank dress, a button down chambray shirt, a black tee, a striped tee, black jeans, blue jeans, a gray long cardigan and a mustard yellow kimono sweater. My last two pieces are shoes, a pair of sneakers and a pair of taupe perforated loafers.


How did I do? I started on a Sunday, with the black dress and the chambray shirt. I liked the outfit, but I thought it would look better with a pair of flip flops that I love. So there was that. The next day I realized the chambray shirt was developing three holes - one at the elbow and two at the shirt tails. Only after two wears, I might add. So, I pulled out another shirt to replace the chambray shirt. Four days into it I stopped. I was bored and generally not feeling it. Plus I was pretty certain my co-workers were noticing that I was wearing the same clothes.

Maybe I didn't approach the challenge right, or maybe I am just not that creative in styling. For the past month, I have Pinned, read, collected, and posted through various outlets in a desperate search for style. Maybe I just have wardrobe fatigue, since this was my main focus for quite some time. I realized I was unhappy with the looks I was developing. I felt like I wanted to go minimalist, with clean lines and simple colors. It seemed adult and classy, but also laid back. I wanted to be like my favorite minimalist bloggers and emulate their style. I was unhappy when I realized how difficult that is and I wasn't hitting the mark. And when I did hit the mark, and managed to get a look together that closely emulated what they were wearing...I wasn't as happy as I thought I was going to be.

In my longing to pin down a style, I forgot myself. When I would go looking for clothes and see something that would make my heart leap, I would dismiss it thinking that it didn't fit the "look". So I got disappointed. I find myself starting to miss patterns, and colors and the vintage style dresses I used to wear before I lost weight. I so loved to express myself and personality through clothing and I stuffed that love into the back of the closet. I think with getting older, I feel I can't carry it off anymore, and I am afraid what people will think about me. In thinking that because my body changed, I now had to change everything else about me too.

I was putting pressure on myself and trying to push myself into a little box of what I felt was the proper way to dress. I wasn't following my own song, my own path. I have a bright, quirky personality, why can't I show that through bright quirky clothes? Because I am "too old"? Fuck. That. I am not a style blogger, nor will I be or ever be. And I don't want to. Wearing a sweater with cacti on it makes me happy. Having a dress covered in books makes me happy. I think it's time I dress to make me happy, not to fit into a mold of what I see or what I think I should do. Style inspiration is all well and good, but sometimes you have to sit back and really think about what it is you like.

I still want to pare down the size of my wardrobe, and I have realized there is a place for neutrals. But that place is right next to a blouse with cats all over it. Some days, if I feel like wearing a plain blouse ad jeans, I can do that. And some days I might feel like looking like a three ring circus. That's awesome. I have to create a style and wardrobe that will allow me to do that. I have to be conscious of how much I am shopping and if the item is something I really like. Learning to shop smarter is definitely something I learned. The biggest take away  here is that I can still be me, no matter how thin or old I get. Self expression through fashion has no age limit.

-GG

My Life In Scales: Part 5, Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

Spoiler alert.

I lost weight. Not just weight, but like, a bunch of weight.


Full disclosure here; this was more along the lines of a "lol, lets see if I can actually, really do this" than a full commitment. Apparently, I made this into a commitment somewhere down the line. I can't say when, or how. But, it just clicked with me. The farther I went, the more determined I got, and the more determined I was I pushed harder. I am NOT going to say I had slips. I don't believe in saying that because I am fucking human being and because of that I am a pleasure seeking entity. I had days where I ate, and ate. Like my birthday, where I made Ed take me roller skating and then he took me out for Mexican food, and I had a Margarita the size of my head and some delicious tacos AND nachos.

Some days were more of a struggle. For some obnoxious reason, my co-workers decided that pot lucks were going to be the thing, and suddenly we were having one about every two weeks. As much as I loved the people I work with, this was NOT COOL. However, my amazing manager Peggy was super thoughtful and got me fruit for my birthday and a ginormous butterfly balloon that I got to tie to my chair and be obnoxious with. Seriously, I shoved it into everyone's face I could and was like "YES! YES! It was the day of my birth, you may all worship me and comment on how I do not look like my 33 years of age." I really wish I was joking.

Anyway, weight loss. There were some big changes I made. For starters, I cut out full calorie soda, leaving diet for those days I was going to the movies or getting a salad at Saladworks. Soda was probably the worst thing I was doing to myself. I remember once sitting on my couch, with no less than four or five ginger ale cans on the table in front of me and still feeling so dehydrated after drinking so much, it seemed so impossible. Not going to lie, it was hard since it all was all I drank and I loved soda.

Second thing I did was stop eating junk. I didn't have so much of a problem with leaving the potato chips and fast food, for me that was easy. What was really, super hard was stopping the sweets. Cake, ice cream, ice cream cake, candy, brownies, cookies - anything sweet it was going into my belly. I developed an iron will power and a hard mask of austerity while I cried on the inside because I wanted cake, dammit. I will not say I gave up sweet stuff - just made some smarter replacements, such as frozen yogurt for ice cream (just as good, really). I also swapped out milk chocolate for luscious squares of Italian dark chocolate. I now prefer the dark chocolate to milk chocolate. Go figure.

My third change was getting into the gym, and wow was that hard. I went to Lane Bryant and tried on various leggings and sports bras, vowing to never shop there again (joke's on me, even though I am too small to wear the clothes, I still fit into their bras). I started out slow, only doing 15 minutes of cardio at a time, and gradually increasing. I then started to include weights and doing a circuit of exercises around the facility. Adding in some yoga gave me a nice breath of fresh air once in a while, and also helped me get better in tune with a body that was suddenly changing. I took more walks along the canal and river with Ed, I took the stairs when I could, and I didn't care so much about parking in the boonies when I went to Target.

Finally, I started to count my calories and really, truly monitored how much food I was putting in my mouth. This. Was. Not. Easy. Granted, going back to MyFitnessPal helped, as the database is vast and the options are plenty. The app is flexible, so if you can't find something, you always create it or input your own recipe. But, still, it was extremely frustrating to be confined to only 1200 calories per day when you love to mainly eat bread and sugar. What this does is put into perspective how much we really actually need to eat. In the beginning I felt like I was not getting enough to eat, feeling some mild crankiness, irritability and general hangriness. As time progressed, and I grew used to consuming less calories, that feeling went away. Sometimes I would feel hungry right after eating dinner, or my stomach would feel empty and I would immediately think I needed to eat. I learned to chill out, and actually think about if I seriously needed to eat or not. I give it about a half hour and a drink of water and see how I feel. If I am still feeling the same way I eat a small snack of almonds or carrots or an apple, and then go about my day.

That is pretty much it. Easy and hard, all at the same time.

I ended up halting my progress in October 2017 after 60lbs lost, just 20lbs shy of my ultimate goal. I am okay with this, honestly. I grew frustrated when I would go over my calorie count because I had a handful of almonds and some grapes as a snack. Like I said, calorie counting is difficult. I will have to do it my entire life, and while I am not thrilled with it, the method keeps me honest and on track. I also stopped because I wanted to breathe a bit, and indulge while maintaining my weight. I just wanted to eat at a restaurant and indulge for a minute in something totally off-plan and not feel guilty. I wanted to eat a piece of cake, or some ice cream and not worry about how much of my progress it was going to kill. It does grow exhausting constantly having to tabulate what you consume in a day.

When I looked into the mirror towards the end of my journey, I was finally pleased with what I saw. I learned to love my body for what it is. Which is not to say that I loved my body more because it was smaller, I loved it because I was finally taking care of it. By showing my physical self love, I grew to love it. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, if I was going to come out of this looking like a hard body athlete or a slim model. My reality isn't even in between that. I went from a size 18/20 to a solid size 12. My body is still fairly shaped the same, as my stomach still has an annoying round belly shape to it, and there is jiggle. Everywhere. But, my legs have gotten ridiculously strong, and my arms have muscle tone and definition. And I even have two little indentations on the aforementioned treacherous belly to indicate I do, in fact, have abdominal muscles.

I have more work to do, and yes, I still want to loose my last 20lbs - now closer to 25lbs as my liberation from the shackles of calorie counting suddenly became pure wanton vandalism to a carefully crafted healthyish diet. Oh yes. I ate candy, and frozen yogurt. I had burgers, and bigger dinners. One memorable night I went out with my bestie and we ordered some small artisan pizzas to share while we laughed our asses off over a glass of wine. Christmas was fun, as I felt pretty to indulge in some cookies and all the best things the holidays had to offer including booze.

I put an end to that, once the indulgences went from being an unrestricted cheat day, to every day. I knew I was going back to habits I previously had. This was the biggest thing I learned - when to stop the indulging, how to comfort myself without food, and how to maintain balance. I also learned to love a simple, healthy diet to look forward to delicious meals of lean protein and lots of veggies. I also learned to fix hunger with real food and not junk food. I also learned that I would much rather sit and indulge my sweet tooth when I was relaxing or being social, than sitting alone on my computer shoveling handfuls of strawberry Sour Patch kids into my craw. But, I am so totally not going to say I don't enjoy junk food. Last month I spend a couple of Saturday nights snuggled up to a bottle of rose, a plate of chocolate cake and David Tennant while binge watching Broadchurch.

At this point, I have gone through a massive change in lifestyle. I have totally changed my eating habits, breaking a lifetime of bad habits instilled in me since I was a child. My exercise routine has gone from nonexistent to robust, with gym visitis 3-4 times a week and yoga at least once a week. My outlook on health in general has improved, from once being something I was ambivalent about to now a passion to live a longer healthier life. Losing weight was not about looking better, it was about learning how to live healthy, or at the least - healthyish. I think I am well on the way to achieving that goal. Living a "healthyish" lifestyle is now one of the most important facets of my life and has truly become something I enjoy doing and will continue to do for a very long time.

But, having to buy a whole new wardrobe with more options in where to procure that wardrobe is not a terrible thing either. Just sayin'.


-GG