There seems to be a little bit of a war happening. Of course, this is the internet, when is someone not arguing with another person? When that stops, I think we've found the end of the internet. However, this one hits me harder than most stupid "controversies".
I have since April, been on a "Bradessy". The ever continuing struggle to find my perfect fitting bra. I'm still working on it, and it's a struggle, let me tell you. Thanks to the great community support (hyuk, hyuk) from /r/abrathatfits I'm well on my way.
So, I have spent a serious time online looking at pictures of boobs, bras and breasts. More than your typical hormone pumped teen. It's a little embarrassing. I'm over it.
As I am shopping for bras I tend to see a lot of lingerie, which is awesome, because um...wow? Sexy smalls for the bedroom? I'm on board. Pretty frilly, frothy things to wear? Yay! No more beige, black and white bras! Matching sets? oh. em. gee. I've been delivered from Cacique and into the paradise of Freya, Panache and Elomi.
When I found this article from Bust Magazine, I was immediately intrigued. Thrilled, even. I tend to get bothered when I shop for clothes online, and the models tend to not be actually plus-sized. If I am going to buy a dress it would be nice to see it on a model who's body is closer to mine. Putting a size 10 in a baggy sweater is not fitting the bill. This article discusses how Chrystal Bougon owner of Curvy Girl Lingerie addresses this very concern. I also love that the article stresses that all women are "real", not just plus-size and curvy women. She puts out a call for women "with rolls, bumps, lumps, scars, stretch marks, surgery scars and natural breasts that have nursed babies". No where does it specifically say she wants bigger ladies. It just so happens that bigger ladies have answered the call and the Bust article choose to have some lovely, cheerful women who are larger ladies. Brave, and inspiring and seriously refreshing!
Then this article comes out on the Daily Fail, about a woman who made some comments in response on Facebook. While the article speaks mainly about how Facebook banned her, because of her comments and then reinstated her access, the main impact of the article is the individual's attitude and response to the Bust Article. Maria Kang was accused of "fat shaming" because of her opinion that campaigns such as Chyrstal's are promoting obesity and taking pride in being overweight. Kang made some pretty controversial statements, including a photo of her posing with her three sons, all under the age of 5 under the heading "What's Your Excuse?".
With that line of thinking, I need to have to explain away my weight and size, because there HAS to be a reason, right? Because no one chooses to be fat, right? It's a completely abnormal abomination! I mean, since I was a little girl and well into my teens I was taught correctly by the media that to be normal and to fit in to society I should be thin. Or at least try to be thin! My God, what kind of person am I for not following the correct societal procedures that have been set before me?
My excuse? I have no excuses because I don't need any. I don't need to excuse myself to you, or anyone else about my size, shape or weight. I don't promote anything on my Blog except a fun and quirky sense of fashion and taking JOY in life, no matter what someone looks like. Can we stop assuming that every larger person is lazy and just sits around and eats? Is it completely necessary to attempt to promote a fitness-centric lifestyle by shaming people into it? What good does that do, exactly?
It creates hurt feelings, anger and resentment. If this woman is so dedicated to getting people into the gym why does it have to be in such a manner? If she truly cared about me and my health, she would get off her narcissistic high horse and create a true dialogue about health and fitness. This woman only accomplishes self serving goals while under the guise of promoting fitness. And that is not right.
I am inundated every day with images and pictures of the ideal created by the industrial beauty machine. No one looks like me. Or any of the women in my family. Or the women I work with. Or my friends. Or my neighbor. Or anyone. We've gotten so wrapped up in a fantasy ideal of what is supposed to be and not be we've lost sight of each other. It's gotten too easy to sit there and call out someone for being fat. I could just as easily start shaming Maria Kang for being a bad mother. I can make all kinds of assumptions about her lifestyle, and assume she doesn't care for her children, because she obviously cares more about exercise. I mean, she's using her children for shameless self-promotion! What other conclusion could I make? Or I could also attack her body. Look, she's got no tits. She's almost flat chested, has no curves - she's ugly because she looks like a boy in a wig! Only dogs want bones, not real men.
But you know what? That's childish, cruel and lacks any kind of constructive criticism. I don't know anything about her and her life, so how can I sit back and judge someone? We live in a culture where it is suddenly become okay to humiliate people into doing what "we" think is proper. Where when we are confronted with seeing a thicker waist, or a bit of back fat or...heaven forbid - belly rolls we're offended. We can attack people who are different because they don't fit. Literally. This needs to stop.
My anecdotal truth is that I have struggled my whole life with my size, which has been the same since high school. It has taken me years to accept my body and be happy with myself and love myself. I will not let this self serving bitch, wrapped up in her security blanket of negativity bring down years of working towards the ultimate goal of loving myself. *I* am the only person who is allowed to judge myself. Trust me, I'm competent enough to decide weather I need to go to the gym, or not have that last cookie. I don't need anyone else to tell me what *I* need to do. If I suddenly decide I need to get a gym membership, it's a decision that I will make, thanks, and it's a decision I won't be shamed into.